Dear Thing in the Sky,

Wherever you are, whoever you are, IF you are, it's me, Rachel. I've been looking for you for a while, and I hope that you understand just how badly I want to find you. I know that I probably haven't made you proud over the past year, but I'm trying so hard to be better. I've been trying my best, but it's hard down here. This whole life thing isn't exactly a piece of cake. I'm trying my best to be the kind of person who's truly proud of who they are. I'm trying to BE the change I want to see in the world, and that's really difficult. I know you supposedly test us, I know that all the hard stuff we go through supposedly helps us become stronger, but that's a lot easier to say when you're looking back at your triumphs. I've gotten so very obsessed with trying to control every aspect of my life when I really just need to let go. I hope that you're up there, I just can't believe blindly. There's too much beauty in the world to be merely coincidence. So, I've set out to find the person responsible. Well not exactly a person, I guess. I want to know WHO is responsible or WHAT is responsible. I guess a person can't really know, though. I believe in Jesus Christ, but I surely don't believe in a religion that teaches people to hate. I believe in a loving god, and I just haven't found that yet.