NaNoWriMo, Never Mind.

I'm going to do it. Check back starting on Halloween. I'm pumped! Okay, so November came and I wasn't ready to do NaNoWriMo. Maybe I'll wait until next year, maybe I'll just do it another month, maybe I'll take my time, maybe I'll NEVER write a book: Bottom line is, right now, there's just too much on my plate already. I didn't want to delete this post though, so I'm kind of totally changing the point of it.

November certainly doesn't leave me with NOTHING to smile about! I've officially been a vegetarian for a year! I'm so proud of myself for sticking with it, and it's been surprisingly easy. I don't crave meat. And even better- while everyone else is packing on the "freshman 15", I haven't gained a pound and we're almost half way through the year!

ALSO, Fall/Winter and the holiday season is my absolute FAVORITE time of the year. It just puts me in a good mood, and I can't wait to spend it with my baby.

Speaking of my baby, Chris Nix, you're the biggest reason I have to smile, and I love you.


Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying


Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard


I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh


They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will


I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday


And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

[Colbie]
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now


I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Heartbreak

They don't call it that for no reason. "Windowpane"? That was stupid, Eminem, and I hope you didn't write that line.

For real though, heartbreak does suck, and it does hurt.

When everything you worked so hard to do got taken advantage of? That sucks too, and leads to the heartbreak.

When the one you normally look to for comfort, the one that you normally want to snuggle up against while they rub your back and tell you that everything is okay, is the one who hurt you this time? Yeah, that sucks more, and causes the heartbreak.

So what do you do? You go out and have a good day. By the grace of sweet baby Jesus himself you accidentally leave your phone in your cousin Clay's car and actually enjoy yourself at the Falcons game instead of constantly checking your phone. When you get back to the car and read your missed text messages, it's kind of okay that you didn't get them. When your phone rings in the car on the way home, you're comfortable with the fact that you didn't answer it. Gorshdamnit, you had a good day, you're NOT going to let it be ruined now.

I, once again, ask the question: "Was it love or was it just easy?"

Hell no, it wasn't easy. You just got told that your lover and your best friend all wrapped in to one with a ribbon on it lied to you for a month even though he knew it would hurt you in the end. You feel stupid, everybody knew except you, and you defended him.

Wow, you're dumb. You deserve to feel the way you do.

Where do you go from here?

You don't know, you just don't know.

It Makes Me Smile

Sitting in my class this afternoon, FANR 1100, when I should have been paying attention to the guest lecturer talk about wildlife management, an uncontrollable smile expanded across my face. I know, I probably looked like a crazy person, sitting there and smiling to myself, but I don't care. Do you know why? I finally realized that finally, after all of these years, I have so many reasons to smile.

Solemates

You actually had a good idea, so write this. You were supposed to write it today, but then you got worried and didn't feel like it. No big deal, just remember to write it down some day.

Worrying, Worrying.

So, I've never been much of a worrier. Not about people at least. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends, but I've never been legitimately WORRIED about any of them. I just rest assured that everything's going to be alright.

I was working on my English homework a little while ago and I had this nagging feeling that wouldn't go away. It was a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach and an annoying voice somewhere in my subconscious whispering, "Hey, you, something's wrong..." and then fading off to nothing before I could hear the rest of what it had to say. It's honestly a feeling that I've never had before. I didn't know how to deal with it. Then it struck me: I'm worried about Chris.

I talked to Chris as I started my drive back to Athens today, he was on his way HOME from Athens. He said he wasn't "feeling" talking on the phone while driving and that he would call me when he got home, which was honestly fine with me. I'm a bad enough driver to begin with, I don't need any distractions. I was also bummed that I wouldn't get to see him today, and I didn't want that to come of as "I'm pissed that you're not staying in Athens to see me".

The catch is, I haven't talked to him since then. I know that he needed to take a shower. He made his infamous "I smell like fried chicken and butthole" remark. So then, maybe he decided to lay down for a little bit, and maybe he fell asleep. That's what I hope, because I texted him looking for some sort of reassurance and got nothing but a reminder that my fear may be completely legitimate. Maybe something really is wrong. I'd love to say that I've gotten a response while writing this, but I haven't. I'm still obsessively checking a phone with no new text messages.

The scary part is that he means everything to me. And if something did happen to him- please God don't let something have happened to him- he might not know it yet, and that makes my heart hurt.

Thank you, sweet baby Jesus, my love is okay. Oh, and suddenly everything else is, too.