Thursday, June 2, 2011
They say, "Let your love grow tall."
I'm hopelessly, ridiculously, passionately in love with my best friend, my love for him has grown tall.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
MACBOOK!
Well, I finally got my MacBook. That is all. No more excuses, it's time for me to get down to business and write something. I just need to get inspired.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Bob Marley on How to Love a Woman
My baby called me one day to read me this quote, and it brought tears to my eyes and got me all choked up. If you have a special girl in your life, read this to her. If you don't, know that you will love someone like this one day. If you ARE a girl, I promise you, no matter who you are, some day someone will love you like this:
“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”
- Bob Marley
“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”
- Bob Marley
Thursday, April 7, 2011
April 7, 2011
Today was a beautiful day.
Even though I wasn't at Six Flags and instead got to work through my busiest day of the week, it really was wonderful.
First, I woke up to a phone call from my boyfriend, even though I didn't answer because I was still half asleep. I woke up, got ready, and headed off to class. I ate lunch with one of my favorite people, then I went to the rest of my classes. It ALWAYS makes me feel good about myself when I get everything done that I need to do. It ALWAYS makes me feel good when I get shit done. I hope I always remember that.
After that I went to work. This blog has not been graced with the presence of rant after rant about how much I hate being a cashier. Therefore, anyone who may be reading this has no way of truly comprehending how happy it made me that my manager had me working at Larry's today making sandwiches instead. I was SO HAPPY. I like working with other people instead of sitting at the register alone. Especially with the way I've been feeling lately, I need to be around other people as much as possible. I have a void to fill.
The beauty of the day? DOMINIC D-TRIX ADORABLENESS SANDOVAL IS A JUDGE ON ABDC THIS SEASON! I've missed having him in my life. Don't Google a picture, it doesn't do him justice.
Even though I wasn't at Six Flags and instead got to work through my busiest day of the week, it really was wonderful.
First, I woke up to a phone call from my boyfriend, even though I didn't answer because I was still half asleep. I woke up, got ready, and headed off to class. I ate lunch with one of my favorite people, then I went to the rest of my classes. It ALWAYS makes me feel good about myself when I get everything done that I need to do. It ALWAYS makes me feel good when I get shit done. I hope I always remember that.
After that I went to work. This blog has not been graced with the presence of rant after rant about how much I hate being a cashier. Therefore, anyone who may be reading this has no way of truly comprehending how happy it made me that my manager had me working at Larry's today making sandwiches instead. I was SO HAPPY. I like working with other people instead of sitting at the register alone. Especially with the way I've been feeling lately, I need to be around other people as much as possible. I have a void to fill.
The beauty of the day? DOMINIC D-TRIX ADORABLENESS SANDOVAL IS A JUDGE ON ABDC THIS SEASON! I've missed having him in my life. Don't Google a picture, it doesn't do him justice.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
April 6, 2011
I know, it's been a while, but here I am. So much has been going on, and I've been so busy, busier that I've been in my whole life. And somehow, I've found the time to make the biggest mistake of my life. I'm not exaggerating at all either, it was the biggest mistake of my life.
I feel so alone, but I guess I deserve that. That's the worst part about all of this. I'm so lucky to still have Chris by my side, but despite that I still feel so lonely which makes staying in a relationship with him difficult. I want to be with him more than anything, because I can't let him go. The connection that I have with him is magical, and I didn't fully understand that until that night about a week and a half ago. I feel so whiny complaining about how I, of all people, am heartbroken when all's said and done. It's true, though, and only time will heal my soul. I'm upset because at the end of the day, I'm the only person who knows the true facts and feelings surrounding everything that happened that night, and I'm the one that has to live with what I did. I'm the one that has no control over how everyone else reacts to it. I'm the one who clearly sees that she could have VERY easily lost everything that night. Most of all, I'm the one who has to look back to how things were before that night and see that, as subtle as it may be, I DID lose something. It's like I can feel that the trust is missing now, I can feel the guilt running through my veins even though I don't consciously realize it, and I am constantly burdened by the question of whether or not I made a mistake.
Chris, if you ever read this, I hope you realize how sorry I am. I never wanted to hurt you. As selfish as it sounds, I never would have if I knew how badly it would break my heart. I love you with everything I have, and I don't know what I would do without you in my life. I pray to the god/gods that may or may not be there that you love me for the rest of my life, because I know that I'll always be in love with you. It's a feeling that I can't explain, and sometimes I wonder if it's what everybody feels or if what there is between us is really something special and different.
So, at the end of the day, I'm left with this question: Is this the storm before the calm, where I turn over a new leaf and we give each other a real second chance, or is this the deep and dying breath of this love that we've been working on?
(I hope I let you read this one day.)
I feel so alone, but I guess I deserve that. That's the worst part about all of this. I'm so lucky to still have Chris by my side, but despite that I still feel so lonely which makes staying in a relationship with him difficult. I want to be with him more than anything, because I can't let him go. The connection that I have with him is magical, and I didn't fully understand that until that night about a week and a half ago. I feel so whiny complaining about how I, of all people, am heartbroken when all's said and done. It's true, though, and only time will heal my soul. I'm upset because at the end of the day, I'm the only person who knows the true facts and feelings surrounding everything that happened that night, and I'm the one that has to live with what I did. I'm the one that has no control over how everyone else reacts to it. I'm the one who clearly sees that she could have VERY easily lost everything that night. Most of all, I'm the one who has to look back to how things were before that night and see that, as subtle as it may be, I DID lose something. It's like I can feel that the trust is missing now, I can feel the guilt running through my veins even though I don't consciously realize it, and I am constantly burdened by the question of whether or not I made a mistake.
Chris, if you ever read this, I hope you realize how sorry I am. I never wanted to hurt you. As selfish as it sounds, I never would have if I knew how badly it would break my heart. I love you with everything I have, and I don't know what I would do without you in my life. I pray to the god/gods that may or may not be there that you love me for the rest of my life, because I know that I'll always be in love with you. It's a feeling that I can't explain, and sometimes I wonder if it's what everybody feels or if what there is between us is really something special and different.
So, at the end of the day, I'm left with this question: Is this the storm before the calm, where I turn over a new leaf and we give each other a real second chance, or is this the deep and dying breath of this love that we've been working on?
(I hope I let you read this one day.)
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I'm a Lennon-Lover
"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?"
A light bulb went off in my head when I was reading for my Educational Psychology class later in the day when this concept came up:
radical constructivism- The perspective that there is no reality or truth in the world, only the individual's perceptions and beliefs.
A light bulb went off in my head when I was reading for my Educational Psychology class later in the day when this concept came up:
radical constructivism- The perspective that there is no reality or truth in the world, only the individual's perceptions and beliefs.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Growing Up, Understanding, Respect, and Cultural Relativism
^ Oh, up there? The title? That might SEEM like a big, jumbled up stream of words, but that's kind of like a map of where my stream of consciousness took me when I sat down to write this blog. Looking back, it's amazing how much I've grown up in the past couple of months. I'm so incredibly proud of who I've become as a person.
First of all, I have developed a whole new understanding and, therefore, respect for ANYONE with a college degree. I'm definitely not saying that you have to have a college degree in order for me to respect you, college isn't for everyone and you can be very successful without ever setting foot on a college campus and I know that, but looking at someone who already has that piece of paper that I'm working my butt off for right now just leaves me amazed. I'm not saying I don't like college. I like learning, and I always have, I've just never had to work this hard for it. I don't mind, I really don't, it just takes some adjustment. College is an amazing experience, and I am SO lucky to have this opportunity.
Thinking about all of that respect and understanding led to a little, baby epiphany in my head. Why can't we understand things without experiencing them? AND, if it's impossible to develop a true understanding of something without experiencing it, why are we, as human beings, not going out of our way to experience anything and everything that we possibly can? Is it possible that, through experiencing cultural events first hand, we could erase ethnocentrism and racism and replace it with cultural relativism? Just food for thought. Also, by the way, I would like to give a special thanks to college for providing me with the words I needed to put together this post. COLLEGE gave my thoughts meaning.
First of all, I have developed a whole new understanding and, therefore, respect for ANYONE with a college degree. I'm definitely not saying that you have to have a college degree in order for me to respect you, college isn't for everyone and you can be very successful without ever setting foot on a college campus and I know that, but looking at someone who already has that piece of paper that I'm working my butt off for right now just leaves me amazed. I'm not saying I don't like college. I like learning, and I always have, I've just never had to work this hard for it. I don't mind, I really don't, it just takes some adjustment. College is an amazing experience, and I am SO lucky to have this opportunity.
Thinking about all of that respect and understanding led to a little, baby epiphany in my head. Why can't we understand things without experiencing them? AND, if it's impossible to develop a true understanding of something without experiencing it, why are we, as human beings, not going out of our way to experience anything and everything that we possibly can? Is it possible that, through experiencing cultural events first hand, we could erase ethnocentrism and racism and replace it with cultural relativism? Just food for thought. Also, by the way, I would like to give a special thanks to college for providing me with the words I needed to put together this post. COLLEGE gave my thoughts meaning.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Bryn LaTrain's Story: Chapter One
I said I would start at the beginning didn't I? I changed my mind. I'll start with a disclaimer and then I'll start telling my story from somewhere in the middle. I've never really been one to follow traditions anyway. I don't want this to sound like a long drawn out rant by some naive girl with tons of pent up teenage angst. That's not what it is at all. This is the story about why everyone hates me. This is a collection of the events that led to my downward spiral in to madness. This is not a story about me hating the world, this is a story about the world hating me.
That little white pill-- that damned white pill that's a daily reminder that you're going out of your way to take a pill to make it easier for this boy to sleep at night after he screws you. You have to pay money for the pill, money that you don't really have to begin with. Your parents aren't happy with you, they always thought that they instilled good morals, they always thought that you'd save sex for marriage, for when the man would truly cherish it. They aren't mad, they're just disappointed, and you're the type of person that can't handle disappointing people. It eats you up inside, slowly, from the inside creeping slowly outwards. It's a greedy parasite that steals the soul that you need to keep a firm grasp on sanity. The pill also screws with your body, physically and emotionally. Your hormones are ALL fucked up, so you're moody most of the time, and little things that never really bothered you before will leave you crying and gasping for breath when you can't remember to save your life why you started crying to begin with. Your body's also changing, something you're not really accustomed to anymore, puberty was a few years ago, enough time for you to forget how much it sucked. The fact that your hormones are in absolute chaos doesn't help you accept the changes any better. Plus, the changes make you feel like a fucking pig. You can tell you're gaining weight, even if no one else can tell. You don't feel sexy at all. Just thinking the word sexy makes you want to throw up. You don't even want the guy you're sleeping with to touch you, and it pisses you off when he tries to. So what's the point of taking the pill anyways? If you're not going to want to have sex, why take it?
See? All that emotion tied to one tiny little white pill. That tiny little white pill sat in the palm of my pale, shaking hand one night, around ten o'clock. That tiny little white pill sat there and acted like it wasn't doing anything wrong while I glared at it as all of these thoughts rushed through my head that Winter night, just like they had every night since I started taking the pill. So I flushed that little white motherfucker down the toilet.
That little white pill-- that damned white pill that's a daily reminder that you're going out of your way to take a pill to make it easier for this boy to sleep at night after he screws you. You have to pay money for the pill, money that you don't really have to begin with. Your parents aren't happy with you, they always thought that they instilled good morals, they always thought that you'd save sex for marriage, for when the man would truly cherish it. They aren't mad, they're just disappointed, and you're the type of person that can't handle disappointing people. It eats you up inside, slowly, from the inside creeping slowly outwards. It's a greedy parasite that steals the soul that you need to keep a firm grasp on sanity. The pill also screws with your body, physically and emotionally. Your hormones are ALL fucked up, so you're moody most of the time, and little things that never really bothered you before will leave you crying and gasping for breath when you can't remember to save your life why you started crying to begin with. Your body's also changing, something you're not really accustomed to anymore, puberty was a few years ago, enough time for you to forget how much it sucked. The fact that your hormones are in absolute chaos doesn't help you accept the changes any better. Plus, the changes make you feel like a fucking pig. You can tell you're gaining weight, even if no one else can tell. You don't feel sexy at all. Just thinking the word sexy makes you want to throw up. You don't even want the guy you're sleeping with to touch you, and it pisses you off when he tries to. So what's the point of taking the pill anyways? If you're not going to want to have sex, why take it?
See? All that emotion tied to one tiny little white pill. That tiny little white pill sat in the palm of my pale, shaking hand one night, around ten o'clock. That tiny little white pill sat there and acted like it wasn't doing anything wrong while I glared at it as all of these thoughts rushed through my head that Winter night, just like they had every night since I started taking the pill. So I flushed that little white motherfucker down the toilet.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
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