Empty

Not only is that the way that I feel emotionally, I physically am empty. I can feel it, too. It's painful. The physical pain that had me curled up in a ball on the bed is gone, but I almost wish it would come back, because this hollow feeling and knowing that it's all over and there's nothing I can do to change that is devastating. As absolutely stupid, ignorant, and naive as it sounds, I NEVER thought that this would happen to me.

All of this has really gotten me thinking about the future. It's been slowly sinking in over the past two days what COULD HAVE BEEN reality.

I know C doesn't understand, he can't possibly understand, and I know he's trying to understand, but that's only mildly soothing. While being wrapped tightly in his arms and being assured that everything is going to be okay and that I'm not alone is somewhat comforting, I am completely alone to wonder what I did wrong.

I feel like I've had to grow up so fast over the past few weeks, months, and I'm scared to death. All I really want to do is curl up in a ball, go to sleep, and never wake up.

A Weekend with My Baby

In case you guys weren't aware of the fact that I'm hopelessly in love with my boyfriend, I am. This weekend almost reminds me of a look in to the future. He picked me up from home on Friday and we came back out to Athens to spend the night. We were both kind of sick, and being with him made me feel so much better. Getting to snuggle up to him and go to sleep made EVERYTHING so much better.

Waking up to him yesterday morning and kissing him goodbye before he went to work was simply beautiful. I wish I hadn't had to go back up to the room and watch cartoons and eat oatmeal alone, but I was content knowing he would be back after work. He called me on his breaks, making it impossible to stop thinking about him all day. When he finally got home- and by home I mean back to the dorm- we watched a little football before going to get some dinner. I payed, even though we're both broke. As far as last night goes, I was less broke. He drove out of the way even though he wanted pizza from across the street so we could get Sonic, because I love Sonic. After that, last night was magic. Again, woke up to him this morning, kissed him goodbye before he went off to work, and now here I am writing about him because I, once again, can't get him out of my mind.

It blows my mind every time I fall deeper in love with him, because I always think that I can't possibly love him any more, but then I do. Last night, he suggested we start looking in to getting a place together. Even though we have nothing figured out, that sounds like the most beautiful thing in the world to me. All I'm doing is going wherever life takes me, and I pray to Jesus that it takes me wherever Chris Nix is going.

Wish Upon a Star

Not that I NEED a wish right now, by any means, I just like to daydream sometimes. The holidays are coming up, my favorite time of the year. Don't get me wrong, I don't love the holiday's because of the presents. I love the holiday reason because of the love, the joy, the cheer, the music, the movies, the weather, the food, the friends, and the family. The fact that I STILL get excited just like I did when I was a little kid is just an added bonus. Last Christmas was by far the best Christmas I've ever had, but I've got a feeling that this one is going to be even better.

Now, let's just SAY that I could have anything in the world that I wanted for Christmas. I can? Well then, this is my wish list.

A Locket

I've wanted a locket for a while now. I'm not a huge fan of jewelry, but I LOVE lockets. I'm not actually picky at all about what KIND of locket, the traditional heart would be beautiful. This one is a bean shaped locket. Originally, I just thought it was cute and it kind of made me giggle. Then, I read the product description on Tiffany & Co.'s website and it made me want it SO BAD: "The bean represents the origin of all things." I like it! Bean locket, so cute! Like I said, I'm not a HUGE fan of jewelry, but I can appreciate something beautiful.

Some Panties

Remember when you were little and underwear was the EPITOME of sucky Christmas presents? Not any-freaking-more. I am a girl that can appreciate some cute underwear. Something most people don't know about me, when I'm having a really bad, stressful day, I buy new underwear. It makes me happy, and it makes me feel cute. These are just cute because they're Christmas themed, but really, I just like Victoria's Secret underwear.

Perfume/Body Spray/Lotion

I like it when people tell me I smell good. This is my smell, and I'm running out of it. SO, I'd like the body spray, perfume, AND the lotion, because then you smell good all the time.

Macbook

Please, oh please, oh please give me a Macbook for Christmas? Pretty please?