Awkward

Have you ever noticed how awkwardly awkward is spelled? I have, but I notice those kinds of things.

Take your hands off of the wheel.

Take a step back.
Take a deep breath.
Let life happen.
Renounce control, hand it over to chance.

Go Veg!

I've always been an animal lover, but I'd never really thought of meat as being an animal before. One day, I realized that I couldn't really say that I loved animals and eat meat at the same time, knowing how factory farms are run. I made the decision to become a vegetarian, and I've been going strong for nine months now.

These are common questions/remarks I get:

Q: What do you eat?
A: I eat anything that doesn't contain meat product. The most important thing is eating plenty of food that's rich in protein. Eggs, milk, nuts, and beans are extremely important. Other than that, I eat what you eat, minus the meat. I do like SOME meat substitutes. For example, Morning Star Farms makes some freaking delicious spicy "chicken" nuggets.

Q: Don't you ever crave/miss meat?
A: This answer is plain and simple: No.

Q: You'll go back to eating meat eventually.
A: No, I really don't think I will.

Q: I could never do that.
A: Yes, you could! I'd be more than willing to help you out.

Q: What do you get when you eat out?
A: Something meatless. More than often, I just don't eat out. When I do, Mexican, Italian, and pizza are always pretty easy. At Subway, you can get a veggie sandwich (yummy) or even a veggie patty. At Taco Bell there are TONS of vegetarian options. Panera Bread and Atlanta Bread Company also offer plenty of choices for vegetarians.

Q: Are you doing this for health reasons or moral reasons?
A: I became a vegetarian for moral reasons, because I refuse to support animal cruelty. However, it's scientifically proven that vegetarians are healthier than their meat-eating counterparts. Vegetarians are 50% less likely to develop heart disease, 40% less likely to develop cancer, and are nine times less likely to be obese. The actual reason I'm a vegetarian: Every life is precious.


Please, think before you eat. Animals are our friends, not food.

"If anyone wants to save the planet, all they have to do is just stop eating meat. That's the single most important thing you could do. It's staggering when you think about it. Vegetarianism takes care of so many things in one shot: ecology, famine, cruelty."-Paul McCartney

"I want to,

I want to be someone else or I'll explode."

Preferably someone skinny.
Preferably someone pretty.

A Girl Can Dream, Right?

Okay, I'm going future shopping. There is nothing quite as nice as being full of cheese pizza, watching "Say Yes to the Dress", the sound of heavy rain echoing in the fireplace as thunder rumbles in the distance, and dreaming about your future. I'm going to build my future in pictures right here, down to the last shallow detail.



Go to as many UGA home football games as possible while I attend the school. Sit in the student section, scream until my throat is raw, and discover how great it really is to be a Georgia Bulldog. Have the time of my life in college, study hard, and make tons of friends that I'll keep for life. Soak everything in and become my own person.




Graduate from The University of Georgia at Sanford Stadium in 2014 as an honors student with a degree in Early Childhood Education. Watch the fireworks as tears stream down my face with my family cheering me on from the stands as I feel a humble kind of pride swelling in my chest.



Find a genuinely good, maybe even a little nerdy, guy. I've always been sort of attracted to the nerdy guys, especially when they still manage to be really attractive. The ideal nerdy guy I have in my head is a Topher Grace kind of guy: Smart, cute, quirky, funny, sweet.



Join the Peace Corps and work with under privileged children in a third world country. I'd love to go somewhere in Africa. If I'm married before this, it would be ideal to experience it with my husband, if not that's fine too.



Use the money from my time in the Peace Corps for a European vacation. I've always wanted to go to beautiful Venice, Italy. I also want to go to Athens, Liverpool, London, Paris, and Bavaria, Germany to visit Neushcwanstein Castle, the inspiration for Sleeping Beauty's castle at Disneyland! If I'm already married, my sweetheart can come too!



The beautiful creation above is my dream engagement ring. Of course, unless my husband-to-be is extremely wealthy it may a bit out of reach. The point is, I want something very classic. Honestly, it doesn't even have to be a real diamond, I just really like this cut. The ring is beautiful. I also just want something from Tiffany & Co. at some point in my life. I'm not a materialistic girl, I just really want that one thing. Sue me.

WEDDING TIME!

I want to get married in a beautiful old country church, but one that's big enough for all of my family and friends as well as my sweetheart's. I want a big wedding, and I mean BIG. An outdoor wedding is also completely possible. I would love that! Just me, all my friends and family, my baby, and a big ole' open field! Either way, as you can probably tell, I want to keep the location of my wedding pretty simplistic. I think simplicity is beautiful. It helps to keep your eyes on what's really important at a wedding- the union of two families thanks to love.



First of all, my ideal dress. I want my wedding to be some time in the Spring. Some time around Easter would be wonderful. I want my dress strapless, because I like my freckled shoulders. I want something extremely classic and timeless, and this one is perfect. I literally stopped looking when I saw this one, it's beautiful and I love it and I want something like this. I'll wear my tri-color pearls with it with some matching earrings, and my hair will be up in some sort of up do showing off my natural curls, and I'll keep my makeup simple and natural. If I, for some reason, ended up with a fall wedding, I'd really want a long sleeved dress. I know it seems outdated, but I really like them. Long, lace sleeves, beautiful.



I want this for my wedding band. I love how it looks with the ring, love it!







I want the first picture to be my bouquet! Yellow is my favorite color, and sunflowers are my favorite flower. I love the way the yellow roses look with the sunflowers. I also really feel like this could easily be a fall or spring bouquet. The other two pictures show what I'd like as far as decorating goes. As far back as I can remember, I've always loved yellow and purple together. There are so many choices as far as yellow and purple flowers go! I just can't pass it up. I'd really like beautiful arrangements of fresh flowers all over the place, during the wedding and for the reception.



I want all of my bridesmaids to pick their own style of dress. Basically, I just want all of them to be short, and I don't really want any of them to be strapless. I could probably live with it if Steph wanted her's strapless or something, though. I want none other than Stephanie Leigh Putnam to be my maid of honor. I want Kate Towery and Megan Foote in the group as well, with someone that I maybe haven't met yet rounding out the bridal party. Their bouquets will all include both purple and yellow flowers.

For a cake, I couldn't really find a picture of one that matched what I wanted. I want something simple and white, maybe decorated with sunflowers and little edible pearls.


As far as music goes, I want "Songs for Swingin' Lovers" played, and I want our first dance to be to "My One and Only Love".



For my honeymoon, I want to go to Disney World. I've never been, so that'll make the experience even more magical. I want the little bride and groom Mickey and Minnie hats, I want to kiss in the teacups, I want to kiss under the fireworks over Cinderella's castle, I want something magical.



I want to teach elementary school, and I want to go observe at Ron Clarke Academy.




I want to live and work in New York City but leave before it makes me hard. I want to experience the magic of Times Square at Christmas time and see the statue of liberty in person. I want to be a northerner for a little while in a nice little cozy apartment in the big apple.




I want to live in Northern California once but leave before it makes me soft. More specifically, I want to live in beautiful San Francisco. I want to live in a sweet little townhouse like the one the Tanner family lived in in Full House. I want to travel across the Golden Gate Bridge on my way to work. I want to swim in the Pacific Ocean and experience the West Coast lifestyle.



I want to visit the Olympic Peninsula and see the beautiful rainforests that the United States has to offer. Maybe I'd even like to live in Seattle, with it's rainy weather and musical atmosphere.



A beautiful big pregnant belly! Once my husband and I have had four or five years to experience life as a couple. I want three or four kids that aren't too far apart in age. I want to sing "Kids" by MGMT to them, read Dr. Seuss books with them, and protect their beautiful innocence and sense of wonder.

So that's it. That's my future! At least, what I want to be my future, and I think I can make it happen, with the right man of course.

Tour Guide Barbie!

Alright, the move is all done. For newbies, I used to have three separate blogs. "Imagine" was the first blog I made, a place for me to grow creatively. I added "Things I Can Dig" to the mix, so I could have a place for book, movie, and music reviews. I added "Dear Diary" last, a place especially for my daily ramblings. Turns out, that was too much, and I started to wish that everything was just all in one place. I decided earlier this week that I would combine all three blogs in to one again, and it turned out to be more work than I expected.

Adding all of the blogs together in the first place wasn't really the problem, it was finding a new look and web address to tie the three together! I decided to stick with "rachelimagines" for the URL, mainly because it's a neutral title. Finding a background proved to not be quite so easy. I'm pretty sure I've gone through at least five or six backgrounds and I've even tried my hand at creating some of my own. I finally found something I could stick with, so I decided it was time for my official "first post" of this blog!

I've put A LOT of work in to this, and I'll continue to put a lot of work in to this, so I want all of you guys, the loyal readers and/ or new readers, to know about all of the features I've put in to it.



"I'm Tour Guide Barbie! Please keep your hands, arms, and accessories in the car, and no flash photography. Thank you."

Welcome to my new blog! I hope everyone is as happy with it as I am. Without further ado, let's move on to the tour. Although it might be slightly unnecessary, I thought it would be a good introduction.

Look directly to your right at the top. There's where I've done my best to introduce myself. I tried my best to keep it succinct and true to myself, and I think I've done a pretty good idea. If you want to get to know me even better, look no further than my posts! I normally blog at least once a day, and most of the time, it's more than just a regurgitation of my day.

If you'll look just below the introduction, you'll find a quote that made up half of the inspiration for the title of this wonderful blog! Carl Sagan was an astronomer and writer. Frequently, his topic was religion. When asked about his personal religious beliefs, Mr. Sagan replied that he was Agnostic, claiming that an Atheist has to know a lot more than he does. The late Carl Sagan certainly inspires me. The other half of the inspiration for the blog came from the song "Imagine" by my favorite Beatle, John Lennon.

Looking below the quote, still on your right, you'll see the Imagination Archive. This is where you can find a direct link to every Imagine post. I do have to point something out here. Because of the move, the old posts aren't accurately archived. When combining the three blogs, I had to choose one of the three to add the other two to. I chose my "Dear Diary" page, which was the newest of the three. To make a long story short, any post that wasn't from "Dear Diary" is archived under July, even though I wrote many of them in June. Also, to add even more confusion, some of the diary entries for June are added under July! I wanted posts from the three blogs to be dispersed evenly, and I didn't even think about the fact that moving the June posts may lead to some slight embarrassment. I may get around to fixing it later on, but for right now this is how it'll have to stay.

Last but not least, underneath the Imagination Archive, you'll see my blogroll. These are blogs that I like, so hopefully you'll like them too!

Now, turn your attention to the middle column. This is the meat of the blog. All of my posts will appear right here. Posts will typically be one of three types. First, the fictional posts. I'm an aspiring writer, so I'll be using this blog to store some ideas. My works are all a work in progress, so none of them are complete yet. Second, you'll find diary posts. These are just accounts of my daily adventures and misadventures. Last, you'll find books, movies, and music that I like. Whenever I add on to a post, I'll move it up to the top of the list so that updates are easier to follow. Pay particular attention to my "Reading List" post. These are books that I want to read and want to buy! Feel free to read along with me or make suggestions of your own. I'll also be posting book reviews whenever I finish a book, so keep your eye out for that.

Well, readers. We've reached the end of our tour! Thank you so much for bearing with me, and I hope that you've found it to be helpful. Happy reading, and peace, and welcome to Imagine!

The Name of the Game

The name of the game is Ender's Game. That's the book I'm currently reading. It's ranked as the number one sci-fi of all time, which is pretty promising. I'll probably be spending quite a bit of my day reading. I'm feeling a lazy day.

Everyone Hates Me?

I had an absolutely terrible dream last night. I can honestly say it's the worst dream I've had as far as I can remember and it seemed so real. I was seriously relieved from the bottom of my heart when I woke up, it was that bad.

In my dream, everyone hated me. Well, not exactly everyone, I guess. I had one friend- she's not someone I know in real life, I don't know her name, and I've never seen her before- who didn't hate me. Everyone else hated me, and everyone made it completely clear. My skin was also breaking out really bad, the worst it's ever been. It seems really shallow, but it was horrible.

The best I can tell, it probably has something to do with the way I feel about myself right now. I'm just going to hold out and hope it passes, and I'm sure that it probably will. As hard I've been trying lately to be a more love-able person, this dream was pretty hard to stomach. Thank goodness it's over and I'm awake, that's all I've got to say.

The Catcher in the Rye

"Between innocence and maturity, an idol was born called cool."



This book just made my list. Apparently, the man who killed John Lennon read The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger right before he did so. Some people have even "quoted" him as saying, "You want to know why I killed John Lennon? Go read The Catcher in the Rye." This MAY be stretching it, but it's still enough to peak my curiosity.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

This morning I woke up expecting another monotonous day at the Atlanta Apparel Mart with my dad. Fortunately for me, and him, my Aunt Sharon called and asked if I wanted to ride with her and my Moner to visit my (Great) Grandmother Ruth. I did, and it was really nice. I hardly ever get to see her, and even when I do, I'm normally at a huge family reunion where I barely get to say more to her than "Hi", "Bye", and "I love you".

We took her some lunch and went and picked up her groceries. When we got back from the grocery trip, we helped her to put them away and then just talked for a while. She is hilarious! She told us a story about when she was little that not even Moner and Sharon had heard before. She was about six and her mother sent her up to the store to buy some vinegar. It came in a HUGE glass container, so she was dragging it along on the ground as she trudged back home when one of her neighbors drove by. He had a car, one of the first she had seen, and offered to give her a lift the rest of the way home. As they drove along, she saw that he was passing the walkway that she had come down on, so she just jumped out because she was afraid he was going to just take her home with him! He stopped the car, got out and helped her get up and brush off her skinned up knees. Turns out, he was driving around to her families DRIVEWAY so he could visit with her parents for a while. To finish the story, Grandmother Ruth said, "I finished the day with skinned up knees and a whipping to top it off!" She had us all absolutely cracking up.

Now I'm at my Aunt Sharon's just hanging out until I figure out what I'm doing next. There's a potentially world record breaking concert being held pretty close by at The Red Rabbit Pub to benefit homeless children in the Atlanta area, so we may go to that for a little while, or we may just wait around for my dad.

My little sister got her license today in my car, and while at the DDS someone backed in to her. I'm kind of pissed, mainly because she didn't tell me when I talked to her earlier. Little pansy. Did I mention she DID pass, though? She didn't do the hitting! She took that out on the flower pots a couple of months ago.

Looking in the mirror today was discouraging. I wish people knew how I felt about myself, honestly. I'm really falling right now.

11:52 PM: I'm back, only now I'm at my dad's apartment. Home sweet home for the night. After my dad got to Sharon's house from work we decided to go see Toy Story 3, finally. I grew up with Andy, Andy grew up with me, and the class of 2010 graduated with Andy. It's special and it's sad. I got extremely teary eyed at the end, and I'm glad I saw it with my dad. We're not going to the concert tonight- and by tonight I mean four in the morning- but dad said we could go before it ends. I'm not totally sure I explained the concert very well. It lasts non-stop for two weeks. There can be no more than a minute and a half between bands. Cool, right? I really want to be a part of it, so hopefully I'll get the chance. Oh, also! I got a chance to hit up a Barnes and Noble! I got two new books! I'll update the reading list next and then I'm off to bed.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I lost my nose stud last night while I was asleep! This has been my worst fear since I got the piercing; every morning, the first thing I do when I wake up is check to see that the stud is still there. This morning, I checked and it was totally gone, without a trace. I poked an earring through it- bad idea, I know- so I know it's still open. The problem is that I've lost the stud, so I don't know what to put in it now. I'm down at work with my dad, so I'll probably check some of the jewelry places here for a stud I can buy really quick and hopefully the hole hasn't made any more steps toward closing up. I'm also going to try chamomile tea bags to heal it up more quickly. Hopefully this works, I'd love to have a nice, healed piercing soon.

Also, my yoga muscles have left me for dead. My back is killing me today and I have no shame in admitting that. It's going to take some serious commitment to get back in to a routine with all of this.

I just performed minor surgery on my nose in the bathroom. For anyone who has had a similar problem, I'm sorry. I remembered that I had a pair of earrings in my wallet, luckily, so I headed over to the bathroom to put one in as a temporary retainer. I washed my hands, pair of earrings, and nose with antibacterial soap and warm water. Next, I gently blotted my nose dry with a paper towel. I took a deep breath and slowly pushed the first earring through my nose from the outside. At this point, I was extremely glad that I remembered having the earrings in my wallet as I had some difficulty getting the earring all the way through. Next, I took the other earring and threaded it through from the inside, pushing the other one out. Now I have a pretty discrete retainer that'll hopefully do the trick until I can buy something more sufficient.

I'm effin' MacGyver.

Shopping list for tonight?

1. Plastic L stud. (Like one of the bio-flex ones.) I just feel like I'll have a smaller risk for infection this way, I'm allergic to a lot of metal.

2. Chamomile tea bags. I read today that boiling water, soaking a chamomile tea bag in it for about five minutes and then placing the tea bag on the piercing can help to aid the healing process.

3. Dial Foaming Anti-Bacterial Soap. I don't have any with me, and this seems to be just about the most gentle thing I can find as far as cleansing is concerned, so I'll have to try that.

I didn't find a plastic L stud, so I got a plastic "nose bone". Yeah, look that one up on Google Images. Ow. I like it though, once it's in. Going in, though, not totally painless. I got some tea bags as well, and some soap. Nose piercing, prepare to be healed.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Dearest online diary, I'm letting Jesus take the wheel, so to speak. I've decided officially that, on matters I can't control, I need to just back off and focus on things that I do have control over. It's completely out of my character, but I'm going to try my best. I finished Youth in Revolt today and got the review up, after some fervent reading all morning. I had a "me" day, and it felt pretty nice. I'm going to dad's in about an hour and a half and still don't have any word from Megan concerning whether or not I can pick up my no-longer-MIA secret bag. I left it at her house the last time I was there when it accidentally got pushed under her bed. I don't like calling it a make up bag, that makes it sound like I wear tons of make up. No, there are much more important things in that bag. I'm going to list a few goals for the rest of the summer and then move on to accomplishing one of them.

1. Get into a stronger running routine. I don't care if I have to drag my butt out of bed every single morning at the crack of dawn, three miles a week isn't cutting it.
2. Yoga daily, when possible. I liked doing yoga. Why did I stop?
3. Let go, focus on myself. After all, I'm the one who has to live with myself in the end.

Alright, I'm off to do some yoga now. Hopefully my muscles haven't totally lost their capability. We'll see, I guess.

Youth in Revolt- C.D. Payne

I'm legitimately sad that I’ve finished this book, and I'll sincerely miss Nick Twisp and all of his zainy misadventures in his early teen years.

"How cruel is the hand of time. Better to die young than witness such ravages."

"'Next week,' replied Lefty. 'Yes, Jim, next week I can trade you a Joe Jackson for a Bob Feller.'
'Maybe you'll have laid Millie Filbert by then.'
'Yes, Jim,' said Lefty, 'That would certainly be a great day in major league baseball.'"

"'Will I see you in class tomorrow, Nick?' Rhonda inquired coquettishly.
'If my brain tumor permits,' I sighed.
'Your brain tumor!' she exclaimed. 'I thought you said you were fine.'
'I am,' I replied. 'Except for my malignant brain tumor. It's the size of a grapefruit.'"

"Peals of laughter followed me out of the room. Now I understand why kids bring guns to school."

"'Joanie will want to see me now,' he said confidently. 'I've left my wife.'
'How fortunate for her,' said Francois. 'Your wife, I mean.'"

"God not listening as usual. Icy rain falling. Getting soaked through. No shelter. Teeth chattering. Spirits sinking."

"'You watch your smart mouth!'
I've heard that line before."

A Heart of a Different Hue

"I look inside myself and see my heart is black." Is it possible for a person to desire a miserable life for themselves? It seems it must be so. Something brilliant comes my way, I don't deserve it, so I push it away, let it go. Try not to hurt other people along the way- if I do, it just adds to the mounting evidence that I'm a terrible person. When all signs point to liar, cheater, self-centered manipulator it is certainly quite a bit easier to convince yourself that you don't deserve something.

From "The Hollow Men"- TS Eliot

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

Self Destruction

Bum-bum-bum-bum.

Bryn Latrain's heartbeat thudded along at a steadily increasing pace in her ears.

Quatrain

Lamebrain

Yourinforpain

Lifeinthefastlane

GobacktoMaine

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Oh my goodness. Exactly a month from today I'll be moving in to Brumby Hall at The University of Georgia. It's coming up fast, as I was reminded last night by my best friend. We've decided what we're getting each other as a going away present, so I have a month to get up the money and actually go buy it:



Yay for Ugly Dolls! I've wanted one for a while, but I didn't want to get it for myself. This'll be much more fun. I'm running low on money, though, so we'll see when I actually buy it.

Totally unrelated, the ye old question: "Would you rather break someone's heart or have your own broken?" My answer to this has become clear over the past few days. I hate rejecting people, so in stead, I have a bad habit of leading them on. Case in point: Guy sends random Facebook message, girl answers (being polite), guys asks for number, girl gives number (being polite), guy asks girl on date, girl says "We'll see, I don't really know you" (being polite), guy texts girl next day, girl ignores (not so polite).

"You know I'd love you if I knew you'd let me down."

Monopocosm

Go to Hell. Go directly to Hell. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

If someone has a greedy, backstabbing, horrible side, Monopoly will bring it out. Monopoly is like a microcosm of the real world. A little game board world where the car runs over the dog, the cannon blasts a gaping hole in the battleship, and the people who only grow more vicious when they smell blood trample the weak- even if they were friends before the game started.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Okay, I actually would have time to write. I don't really feel like it though. It's been SUCH a busy week, I can't even begin to describe all of it right now. I'm just going to post my first official college schedule for the Fall of 2010 at the University of Georgia, ladies and gentlemen. After that, I'm going to call it a day.

This IS subject to change, by the way.


Current UGA Schedule Fall 2010:

MW
11:15-12:05: POLS 1101; Gurian
1:25-2:15: MATH 2001; STAFF

TR
9:30-10:45: ENGL 1102; STAFF
2:00-3:15: FANR 1101; Green

F
9:05-9:55: POLS 1101; Gurian
1:25-2:15: MATH 2001; STAFF

That's a day.

Tueday, July 6, 2010

My oh my, it's July and this is the first time I've written. You know what that means? I have LOTS to catch up on. Unfortunately, I'm not going to make it today. I need sleep, badly.

The past few days have been absolutely life changing for me, and that's only started. I can feel the change inside me, and it feels pretty darn good.

A Day for the Victim?

You could definitely say that my younger brother and I haven't had the most traditional childhood. On a dreary day in February four years ago we began a life that most kids never experience. For those that do, it's usually a bit like standing in front of big, angry, relentless tidal waves. A child is standing in waist deep water, minding his own business when a deceiving wave crashes down on him, pulling him under, tumbling him along breathlessly as his face and then back face and then back scrape along the sand on the bottom. When the wave's power has subsided, and the troubled child pulls himself back to his feet, gasping for air while he rubs the stinging salty surge from his eyes, another one comes along and sends him on another bruising ride. It's a vicious cycle that the child unfortunately has to endure. It's not his fault, it's for the best, but he doesn't know that. All he knows is that his mommy and daddy do not want to live together anymore, only one of them wants to live with him.

That's how Evan feels, anyway. That's the way I feel too, from time to time. At least I'm older though, I can see the bad sides of my parents. I get to look deeply in to the aspects of them that make me not want to be around either of them so much. Evan doesn't see that, and he was just old enough when the split happened to remember what it was like before. He doesn't remember the arguments, he doesn't remember the police, he doesn't remember the holes in the wall, he doesn't remember Daddy being gone for a while. He remembers Mommy and Daddy and his loving big sister having picnics in the park, he remembers big birthday parties at the house, he remembers Daddy teaching him how to play tee-ball- and he misses all of it now.

Me? I appreciated the good times. Sure. I also remember the bad times vividly. I remember not being able to sleep at night because I could hear them screaming, hurling obscenities at each other that I'd never even heard before. I remember the utter fear pulsing through my veins when one time, during one of their "heated discussions", there was a loud crashing sound. I could hear glass shattering and then scattering in all directions on our hard wood kitchen floor. I heard the glass shatter and then, all of a sudden, mid word, mom stopped screaming. I could still hear my dad, I knew HE was alive. I could hear his well worn in work boots sliding heavily on the floor across the kitchen as I sat upstairs in my bedroom, paralyzed with fear. Suddenly, a brilliantly horrible idea buzzed in to my head- my dad may be coming for me. The thought shocked me, my jaw dropped, my breathing sped up, and I immediately broke out in a cold, cold sweat. The concept that Dear Ole' Dad might want to kill me was totally foreign. It sent shivers down my spine as I heard his footprints sliding in to the living room. As they passed over on to the carpet, I couldn't tell where he was any more. The shock wore off, and I leaped off of my bed over to the door. I locked it and stood with my back leaning against the door. The room started to spin and I finally noticed how quickly I had been breathing. I slid slowly and carefully down to the floor and cradled my head in my hands. As I closed my eyes, I started praying in a choked, whispered, and hurried voice. "Please, God. Don't let him go for Evan." The front door opened and slammed shut. He hadn't been coming for me. He was leaving. I heard my mom start crying out to God as she cried and whimpered in the kitchen. I was so stupid. Daddy wouldn't, he couldn't. Would he? The crazy scenario I had created in my head could have very easily been very real. A sob rocked my entire body and I had to cover my mouth to keep from letting out a small, muffled cry.

And that was just one time, the first time.

These horrible, waking nightmares happened more and more as the years went by. Each one was no less horrifying than the first. Each time I feared for my mother's life. Each time I feared for my baby brother's life. Each time I feared for my life. Each time I feared that my family would be ripped apart.

The Stand- Stephen King

(Picture is from the comic book series inspired by the novel, which is also fantastic)

"I'm having second thoughts about the Veronal as a result. Taking it is very much like swallowing some Pepto-Bismol to quiet the bellyache and then getting on the plane anyway." -Glen Bateman, The Stand

"Show me a man or a woman alone and I'll show you a saint. Give me two and they'll fall in love. Give me three and they'll invent the charming thing we call 'society'. Give me four and they'll build a pyramid. Give me five and they'll make one an outcast. Give me six and they'll reinvent prejudice. Give me seven and in seven years they'll reinvent warfare. Man may have been made in the image of God, but human society was made in the image of His opposite number, and is always trying to get back home." - Glen Bateman, The Stand

"In an old, cracked, but strong voice she would cry out: Weasels in the corn! and he would feel the change in himself [...]. He was a weasel, a cowardly nocturnal thing preying on the weak and the small."- The Stand by Stephen King

"Trashcan Man was a beaten thing, used to accepting the punchings and pummelings of both his own inexplicable fate and nature, and doing so with a bowed head."- The Stand by Stephen King

"To the west, where the shadows were even now gathering, in their twilight dance of death."- The Stand by Stephen King

Although I liked almost everything that Tom Cullen said, this had to be my favorite: "I'm going to see him in heaven. Tom Cullen is going to see him there and he'll be able to talk and I'll be able to think."

My favorite part of the book: "Ralph cleared his throat. [...] 'He says that he don't believe in God.' The message relayed, he looked unhappily down at his shoes and waited for the explosion. But she only chuckled, got up, and walked across to Nick. She took one of his hands and patted it. "Bless you, Nick, but that doesn't matter. He believes in you.'"

Imagine Forever

We say it all the time, but we have no way of grasping what it really means. The Earth has been around for billions of years, humans for a short couple of thousand, and each individual person gets to stay for about a hundred if they're lucky. How can we, as humans, possibly understand what forever means?

Imagine propelling upward forever. FOREVER. Upward until you leave our atmosphere. Upward as you pass the moon. Upward as you pass an infinite number of stars, beginning with the one at the center of our own solar system. Upward as you leave the Milky Way. Upward as you leave the Milky Way, flying through uncharted, unowned, unseen, unknown territory. Upward as black fades to purple, then to blue, then maybe to white as you fly by stars that haven't yet been seen by the human eye. Upward you keep going. Forever. This is what forever means. Of course, you wouldn't make it forever. You would be dead pretty shortly, of course.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2010,

This goes out to my future self, the rest of the class of 2010, and anyone else who might need a little help right now. Looking in to the future can be scary sometimes: Wear Sunscreen.

Wear Sunscreen

By Mary Schmich of the Chicago Tribune

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '98: Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blind side you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Today was surely "a Six Flags day". I got sort of a late start this morning. A typical trip to Six Flags begins at eight thirty in the morning. I got some much needed sleep, though, and didn't end up leaving the house with Bekah, Helen, Nichole, and J.R. until almost eleven thirty. All it takes is one roller coaster to make me realize why I make the drive and pay the parking fee. That feeling of flying is amazing. The rush you get from being over two hundred feet up in the air is indescribable.

Acrophobia was open for the first time this Six Flags season, it's been in maintenance I guess, which I have no problem with. I rode it for the first time today. I only have one thing to say: That is the scariest effing ride in the whole park. Okay, I lied, I have more than one thing to say. I almost didn't get to ride it! A counting malfunction happened. Because of that, J.R. and I ended up seat-less! We had waited in line for fifteen minutes only to step right through to the exit! Luckily, my friends are patient, so Nichole, Bekah, and I got back in line to ride it again while Helen and J.R. went to get a drink and take a break. The people who work that ride are absolutely evil, in the best way possible. Here's how the ride works: It's a two hundred foot tall tower with seats wrapping around the pole. Riders are strapped in to the bicycle-type seats while their feet dangle below them. The park worker then says goodbye to you as you begin your ascent. Said ascent is one hundred and sixty one feet. It may not sound like a lot, but, sweet baby Jesus, when you're up there, it's hard to breathe. Once you reach to the top, the seats tilt ever so slightly so that you have no choice but to stare directly at the ground and the lovely person who has total control over when the ride will drop takes the opportunity to taunt you. On the ground, looking up, it's easy to pay attention to what the ride-Nazi is saying. Honestly, I have no idea what he said while we were up there. He sung something, that's all I know. I was too busy mentally preparing myself for the drop to pay attention to his crazy antics. Up there, staring at the ground, waiting to plummet all the way back down, it feels like an eternity. Once the drop begins, it's over rapidly- up in eight seconds, down in two- but that doesn't make it any less terrifying. You are literally free falling. The catch that comes down to take you to the top lets you go and you fall until a giant magnet pulls the car to a stop only about twenty feet from the ground. It's a blast!

The other rides were remarkably less memorable than that that one. The last ride of the day, though, provided some moments that should stick with me for years. I normally try to save Goliath for last. It's huge. I'm talking monstrously huge. I've never gone to Six Flags without riding Goliath at least two times since it was built. Today, it was even more fun than usual. The woman that J.R. and I sat next to on our first ride was a little more than hilarious. She started screaming about half way up the ascent. As the coaster started down, she started screaming, "Oh, s***! Oh, s***!" at the top of her lungs. (It didn't feel right to type the dirty wordy.) She let out a screeching warrior cry, "AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!", about half way through the ride that left me crying because I was laughing so hard for the rest of the ride. I thought I was going to pee my pants, and I'm not just saying that. It was so funny. I always get off Goliath wanting to ride again, so we did. This time, J.R. sat the ride out and Bekah, Nichole, Helen, and I waited extra in line for a front-row ride. I've tried the front row before and hated it, so I'm glad I tried it again. At the top of the first hill, looking down for that millisecond when time seems to freeze, you get the best feeling in the world- an excitement that starts in your belly and spreads rapidly but slowly in both directions until it fills your whole body. J.R. and I had told the other three of our clan about the Xena-esque woman from the previous ride, so Helen yelled out her scream throughout the ride, leaving me in tears that weren't just from the G's you get in the front row. Making memories is what life is for. Today? Mission accomplished.

The day ended with Sonic delicious-ness. I'll have a grilled cheese wacky pack with tater tots and a cherry coke please. I ate a yummy dinner and drank up the last few minutes of time I got to spend with these amazing people before driving home and listening to my favorite music while singing my heart out. Ah, and now here I sit, barely able to keep my eyes open. This was supposed to be a SHORT entry. Guess it didn't turn out that way, huh?

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

So much has happened since the last time I posted anything. I went to my Aunt Sharon's and my dad ended up coming through. He gets upset when he feels like he has to share me and my sister with anyone, and I can see where he's coming from. I want to spend lots of time with him too. My dad came by later on in the evening and ended up spending the night. We watched lots of movies and I got to spend some good quality time with my amazing cousins. The next day, my Aunt Sharon cooked an amazing breakfast and we went to the pool. After that, we got cleaned up and made a trip to Best Buy to pick up some more movies since we had all decided to spend another night together. The highlight of the Best Buy trip is that I found and bought Mary & Max, one of my favorite movies that I haven't been able to find ANYWHERE! It's a film from Australia, so I thought I'd have to order it online if I wanted it. Anyways, after that we watched more movies and my cousin Kate came down for the night. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep. The next day I spent some time soaking up the sun on "Sharon's Beach", her back porch. It really was an awesome weekend.

When I got home, I showered, packed up, and bounced on over to Megan's house for some quality time and adventuring with my two best friends in the world. I love Megan and Shelby dearly. We took a spontaneous trip to Snellville that night, and stayed up far too late. When planning for an adventure for Monday, we were almost as a loss for what to do. We considered Chattanooga for the day, but didn't want to be totally broke. We ended up at The World of Coca-Cola. None of us had ever been to the new one, so it was fun. My favorite part is still the tasting at the end, so fun! I finally plucked up the courage to try the Beverly. It wasn't so bad at first. I was thinking, "Why does everyone go on and on about how disgusting this stuff is?" That's when it hit me. The after taste left me feeling like I had drunk bug spray.

On the way home, stalling, we made our way to a few thrift stores, which have become my guilty pleasure. I bought the movie In Search of Dr. Seuss, mainly because it reminds me of my childhood. It also got me excited about teaching again. Visions of Dr. Seuss week in my elementary school classroom of the future are already dancing in my head. After Goodwill, we reluctantly made our way back to Megan's house, and I took Shelby home before heading to my house and getting in trouble the second I stepped in the door. I took a shower and went to bed.

The highlights of today were a Goodwill excursion with my sister and my record-breaking run, for myself at least. Twelve minutes and fifty four seconds to run one point two miles. Score. During my Goodwill trip, I bought a VCR that is now broken, Chasing Amy on VHS, The Pagemaster on VHS, and a Bart Simpson coffee mug. Good thing I only spent five dollars on the VCR. You win some, you lose some I guess. I'll be buying another one soon, I think.

Tomorrow, I'll be going to Six Flags with J.R. and some other friends. Friday I spend the night at Megan's and then head to East Tennessee for the weekend with the two people who complete me.

Before I forget to say this, I'm so proud of myself. I took the time this weekend to step back, take a breath, and be a better, bigger person. I'm so proud. I was myself, and I liked myself. Guess what else? Other people liked me too.

"That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try."

Friday, June 25, 2010

Sometimes my dad leaves me absolutely speechless. Then, for some reason unknown to me, I end up feeling sorry for him. My parents are divorced, as any of you who know me probably already know. This weekend is one of the two weekends per month that my sister and I are supposed to go spend with him. He gets sassy if we end up spending it with anyone else. I understand that, I guess. I think, though, that what he fails to understand is that those two weekends per month that we have to spend with EVERYONE ELSE IN HIS FAMILY. We have aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents that we wouldn't get to see any other time of the month. When the opportunity presents itself, I'm more that eager to take it up.

My Aunt Sharon texted me yesterday to let me know that my cousins, Jack and Luke, were going to be at her house today and also to let me know that Stephanie and I were more than welcome to join them. I was pumped! I love spending time with my cousins, as I always have, and I love spending time with my Aunt Sharon as well. I didn't communicate the plan to my dad until today.

I kind of wanted him to pick us up and take us over there and maybe hang out for a little while. I love my dad. I want to spend time with my dad. I hate the fact that I only really get two weekends a month to spend with them. I hate even more that most of the time that I AM with him, I feel singled out and hurt. That aside, though, I know it's important for me to spend time with him.

His exact words were, "Well, if you're just going to spend the night over there, why doesn't she pick you up?"

Harmless enough, right? You didn't get to hear his tone of voice. May I also add, his apartment is no more than ten minutes away from Sharon's house.

I just said, "Okay, if that's what you want." He said he would talk to me later. I said "Love you."

He simply replied, "Mhm", and hung up.

I just talked to him again, as he was making sure I had talked to my Aunt and gotten a ride. He flat out hung up on me this time, fueling my anger. I know he cares, that's why he called again, but I also know that he's hurt. When he's hurt, he wants other people to hurt. After all of this, I feel bad for HIM.

I will not let this ruin my weekend. I swear I won't.

On a much more positive note, I hit my fastest time running today! I dragged my butt out of bed, grabbed a protein bar, and hit the pavement. I ran the one point two miles in fourteen minutes and fifteen seconds, making it an eleven minute and fifty two second mile. That time is faster that even my tread mill times! I'm making progress! Shin splint pain and all, I'm making progress, and that's all I need to keep me driven.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

This morning I come to you once again sitting on my couch, snuggled up in a blanket, watching The Real World DC. This morning, however, I also have my feet propped up and iced with Ibuprofen pumping through my veins, but we'll get to that later. Once again, I was supposed to be up bright and early to go over to my Jojo's house to run and walk. That didn't happen. I just really didn't want to get out of bed at seven fifteen.

Yesterday, I did get all of the things I wanted to accomplish done! I cleaned, read, relaxed, AND ran. The running part, though, didn't go so well. About three fourths of the way through, my shins started burning like mad. Turns out, shin splints may end up being a problem. I looked up how I can help shin splints feel better last night, this is why my shins are iced and propped up this morning. They definitely still hurt. The plan for today is to keep them on ice and rest. I'll go to walk later, but no running for today. I don't log my miles if I don't run, so anything I do today won't bring me any closer to my goal. This is going to be all for today, though. Peace, readers.

Lake Chatuge

I'm currently in the middle of the first LAKE vacation I've had since I can remember. I've been unable to write because I've been so BUSY, but this morning I'm feeling a bit sick and my foot is still throbbing a bit from the lovely wasp sting I was fortunate enough to receive yesterday, therefore, I shall write today. I've gone to the beach quite a few times, and the beach is my favorite place in the world to be. It seems, to me at least, as though things just fall in to place while I'm at the beach. Because of my affinity for sand, sun, and surf, I was a little disappointed when I found out that my family vacation for the year would be a week long stay in cabins right on Lake Chatuge in North Georgia. When we arrived on Saturday, however, all of the disappointment QUICKLY faded away.

I always love time spent with my huge family, but when the view is as breathtaking as it is here, I love it even more. As my sister is home for a few days, I'm staying in a small cabin with my cousin Kate and Aunt Sharon. This is essentially the view that I've woken up to the past three mornings:



It is GORGEOUS! The mountains, the huge lake, the clean air, and the clear and starry night sky have all made me fall in love. We've gone out on the pontoon boat we rented the past two days and swam in the lake. We also have this humongous float big enough for eight people that we can all just lounge on while it's tethered to the boat on the dock. Soaking up the sun while floating on a beautiful lake with mountains surrounding you is the PERFECT way to spend a couple of lazy hours.

If you're up for something a little more adrenaline-pumping, however, you could always opt for para-gliding! WE haven't taken any part in it, but the first day we were on the lake we could see people launching off of a mountain close to our cabins. I've heard you can take horseback rides up the mountains as well, which sounds like fun! If you don't want to leave the lake, you could always rent a speed boat and go tubing or maybe even rent a couple of jet skis. There are COUNTLESS things to do.

Being here with family makes everything even better. Last night we all sat in a big circle after dinner. I laughed until I thought I would SURELY be left with ripped abs as my dad and uncle told stories about their experiences in big cities like Chicago and Philadelphia. This made me appreciate my quiet, country way of life even more. I love living in Georgia, and am glad that I'm spending my vacation here-even if that means I won't be getting to leave the state this year.

Well, that's all folks. I'm starting to feel a bit less sleepy and my headache is finally subsiding. The sun is peaking out from behind the clouds and I think I'm going to go hunt down dear old Dad. Until next time, peace.

The Everyday Kind of Hero

Sitting on her bed late at night, she was lonely. All day she had been listening to the radio, jotting down songs that she wanted to remember. That was fine for a while, but eventually loneliness sets in. That's where she was now, floating in a pool of loneliness. Those thoughts, the bad ones, the ones she though she had shaken months ago slowly started to creep their way back in to her mind. She glanced over at her vanity, at her curling iron, at the instrument that could bring her attention to screaming physical pain rather than the emotional pain that was much harder to deal with. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, told herself she didn't need it, she could cope, she lay back on her bed. Taking deep breaths she tried to just let it all go.

Her eyes opened and she picked up her phone. Looking back, she wouldn't know why she did it. Her friend Jake had snuck his way in to her thoughts. He was a better friend to her than anyone could be. She hadn't talked to him in a while, so when she thought about him, she knew something was up. It was weirdly amazing, fantastic. She felt as though she could almost feel his feelings. She texted Jake. Didn't bother with hello. She knew something was up.

"Jake, what's been going on with you lately?"

He responded within minutes, "Lord, how did you know?"

"Just had a feeling." And she did, and her feeling was right, her feelings were always right. They were both twins, and one twin had been lost from both sets. They shared an amazing connection, almost twin-like itself. She had felt an immediate bond when she and Jake had met, and their love for one another had only grown stronger. It wasn't romantic love either. It was the strongest kind of love there is, almost a familial love, except she got to pick him. "What's wrong?"

He was ready for a relationship, his dad was hesitant to support him, wasn't ready to see his one and only son hand in hand with another guy. Jake needed nothing more than to hear "I love you and I understand."

"I love you and I understand." Since his dad wouldn't say it, she would. And she DID understand. She understood the pain he went through, and was sad for him and with him. She knew it wouldn't mean quite as much coming from her, but it would mean something.

It did. Later, after Jake had gone to sleep, she lay awake and alone again. Somehow, though, she felt less secluded. She had helped someone, had possibly changed someone's life. She'd helped a friend deal. She was glad she was alive, and then she fell asleep, still thinking about the boy that may have saved her life that day, her savior.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Last night I ran outside for the first time. I waited until like eight o'clock just because I didn't want it to be too hot. I ended up being alright. I didn't run the whole mile, I had to stop and walk every now and then. I finished the mile in about fifteen minutes. I don't think that's too bad for a beginner either. I'm going to keep it up until I can run the whole mile without having to stop and walk at all, and then I'll start increasing my distance. My goal is to run twenty five miles before starting college in August. I think the goal is extremely achievable, so it's really just more to keep me on track. I have a little less than two months to complete it, and I've got twenty one miles left to go. Last night, I ran my mile and then walked one with my Jojo to cool down.

Today, I was supposed to be up and over at her house by about seven thirty, so I could run before it got too hot. That didn't exactly happen, though. I didn't make it out of bed until nine thirty. I guess I'll just run at night again. Anyway, here's my to-do list for today. It shouldn't be too hard to get it all accomplished, as most of it is just doing things that I enjoy anyways.

1. Watch America's Next Top Model. Be lazy for a little while. I haven't been feeling my best lately, so I'm trying to stay well rested.
2. Straighten up the room and clean out Billie Jean's tank. My room's just looking a bit cluttered. I think I'd probably feel better if it was cleaner. Also, with all of the new stuff in here for my dorm, I need to make room for it. Instead, I just pretty much have it all laying out all over the place.
3. Read for a little while. I'm getting behind on my reading. I wanted to have The Stand finished some time this week and my review up by the weekend. It doesn't look like that's going to happen, though.
4. Run at about eight. I have to keep up with this. This is just another silly way that I'm trying to better myself. I think it might be working though, I've been feeling better already.

Oh! One more thing before I go! Yesterday, I got on Facebook right before I went to bed. In my birthday thing one of the kids I went to elementary school with popped up. My gut told me to send him a message, and just say hey. I haven't really talked to him since I added him, so now's better than never. Instead of just blowing me off like a weirdo, he actually answered! It's just cool talking to someone from so long ago. It kind of makes me feel more in touch with my past and with myself as a child. He remembers more about me than I remember about him, it turns out. That's normally not how it goes. I couldn't tell you how many times I've added someone on Facebook only to find out that they don't remember me AT ALL. Anyways, that's all for now, folks. Peace.