A Heart of a Different Hue

"I look inside myself and see my heart is black." Is it possible for a person to desire a miserable life for themselves? It seems it must be so. Something brilliant comes my way, I don't deserve it, so I push it away, let it go. Try not to hurt other people along the way- if I do, it just adds to the mounting evidence that I'm a terrible person. When all signs point to liar, cheater, self-centered manipulator it is certainly quite a bit easier to convince yourself that you don't deserve something.